


Cherry Pudding Cake

by EmpressCactuar



Series: Reibert Week 2021 [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, M/M, Reibert Week 2021, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29818632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmpressCactuar/pseuds/EmpressCactuar
Summary: When they were children, sometimes Reiner's mother would make a scrumptious cherry pudding cake. How badly he'd wanted to taste it again, to remind him of home. But at the same time, there had been good times on the island.(Day two of Reibert Week 2021! Prompt is Post-TS au)
Relationships: Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover
Series: Reibert Week 2021 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2190438
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	Cherry Pudding Cake

**Author's Note:**

> I went back and forth on what I wanted to do for this prompt. Because there are just _so many_ possibilities for it! I've written about this au before and I'm sure I'll write more about it in the future. ^^;

"We'll be going home soon. Just a little bit longer, okay?" Bertholdt closed his eyes and wanted to sigh, but instead did not. How many times had Reiner told him that they would be going home soon? They'd been away from Marley for years. Five, actually. Five long, miserable years on this island. 

Actually, that wasn't fair. Yes, he was desperate to return to Marley. He was desperate to see his father again. All the luxuries in Marley he took for granted, Bertholdt wanted to get back to. When they were children, sometimes Reiner's mother would make a scrumptious cherry pudding cake. How badly he'd wanted to taste it again, to remind him of home. But at the same time, there had been good times on the island. 

Bertholdt would be lying if he said he didn't like not being called a damned Eldian devil all the time. It was nice being treated as human. It was nice having lots of respect because he was a talented soldier. And he loved his friends. Or should he say former friends? He still cared very much for all the dear comrades he'd gotten to know the past three years. Eren, Mikasa, Armin... Jean, Connie, Sasha... 

They must hate him now. Eren made it sound like they would get no greater pleasure than to kill the armored and colossal titans. The ones responsible for destroying Wall Maria and costing hundreds of thousands of lives. Did he and Reiner deserve it? Maybe. 

Reiner was giving him a soft, almost... unsure smile? Like he didn't believe the words out of his own mouth. Reiner had argued with Zeke about saving Annie and had been beaten to a pulp by him. Annie was going to have to wait; as much as Annie hated Reiner, he had seemed determined to save her. Now Reiner was sitting at the edge of the wall with his arms crossed, looking towards Wall Rose. 

"You think so?" Reiner glanced at Bertholdt and reached his hand over. Very tenderly, Reiner squeezed it then brought it to his face for a kiss. Reiner stared intensely at Bertholdt. The soldier persona that Reiner had developed had seemed to have faded away, because he hadn't been anyone except the Reiner he'd always known and loved. Maybe being separated from everyone and having the illusion of happiness broken did something to him? There was no going back to acting like everything was okay. 

"I know so. We're so close, Bertl. And Zeke and Pieck are here, too. With them, we can finally end this. We're going home soon. Me and you. Once we've won and reclaimed the founding titan, we can come back and save Annie, too." Reiner kissed Bertholdt's hand again; the smile on Bertholdt's face was simply stunning. Reiner closed his eyes and sighed again, then scooted closer to Bertholdt. Sitting on the edge of the wall used to make Bertholdt nervous, because he was afraid of heights. 

Ironic for the colossal titan. But now he wasn't bothered at all. There was no real danger; if he fell off the side of the wall he could just transform and keep himself from getting hurt. The breeze was warm, but still Reiner kept a blanket over his shoulders. Bertholdt leaned his head onto Reiner's shoulder. "Home... I've been thinking about it for so long." 

"When we get home, I'm going to marry you." Reiner's words were spoken earnestly. Bertholdt blushed, but then he remembered how Ymir used to say she was going to marry Krista. He swallowed the lump in his throat and pushed the thought away. He would much rather live in the moment. With Reiner. "I wish we had more time. I've imagined what married life with you would be like." 

"Oh? What did you imagine?" Reiner laughed at Bertholdt's question, then pecked his cheek. 

"I keep it happy, you know. I like imagining my happily ever after with my Bertl." That he'd never get, because they would die in a few years. Neither of them dared speak the truth. Reiner closed his eyes while he lost himself in his own thoughts. "Well, let me think... we'd get married. I know you like my mom's cooking, so maybe she'd make the cake. I've wished that we could have normal jobs. I would like to be a doctor, and you'd run a stall selling candy in Liberio. Then we would have kids..." 

"Kids? What are they like?" Reiner chuckled and shook his head. The pink dusting on his cheeks was breathtaking and complemented by the sun setting in the distance. 

"You'll make fun of me, Bertl..." 

"I won't. I promise." Bertholdt said softly. He wanted to hear about the future they'd never get. 

"We'd have a girl first. I like the name Amalia. And we'd have a little son, his name would be Henry." Reiner hummed and kicked his legs while he thought. Dull thuds sounded in the otherwise quiet air when Reiner kicked, and soon Bertholdt was kicking in a rhythm with him. "Amalia would play doctor and steal my medical bandages, and Henry would try to steal chocolates from your stock at the candy stall. But sometimes you'd let him steal one anyways because he's so sweet when he has chocolate smeared on his fat cheeks." 

"You've thought a lot about it, huh?" Bertholdt wasn't teasing. Reiner was just musing. And the future Reiner described didn't sound all that bad. Bertholdt wasn't sure he'd particularly like to be running a candy stall... but why ruin Reiner's fantasy? He'd never imagined Reiner wanting to be a doctor either. 

That made sense, he supposed. Reiner was a kind and caring soul; of course he would prefer helping heal people instead of killing and destroying like he had to. 

"I have." Reiner stopped kicking, then sighed and stared vacantly into the distance. His sigh was heavy; Bertholdt could almost feel the sadness starting to radiate from him. "I've thought. A lot. Especially these past couple of weeks, since everything happened with Eren and the rest. The things I want most, I'll never be able to have." Reiner turned to look directly at Bertholdt. His eyes were misty, his face full of regrets. "But I have you. You're all I need. So when we get to Marley, I'm going to marry you. That's one of the only things I want that I'll be able to have in my life." 

Reiner was just assuming Bertholdt would marry him... but Bertholdt cracked a small smile. Reiner wasn't wrong to assume that, because of course he would say yes. Even if it wasn't for long, they could be happy together. Bertholdt nodded and leaned forward to kiss Reiner's cheek. Reiner smiled and leaned into Bertholdt's slim frame, then closed his eyes. Bertholdt found a sense of comfort in Reiner's breathing that soothed him to the core. 

They couldn't have normal jobs, and they couldn't grow old with a daughter named Amalia and a son named Henry. But they could be together for the rest of their short lives, and Bertholdt was content with that. 

  


Bertholdt was absolutely exhausted. He hadn't stopped crying since he'd been loaded onto the boat en route to Marley. Pieck and Zeke had saved him; he was a truly lucky person, Zeke had said. But when they fled and Reiner was left behind, Bertholdt knew. Reiner was dead, and there was nothing that could be done to save him. He'd cried to himself despite being severely injured, despite the pain his body was in. 

His body hurt terribly, but that wasn't where the pain was coming from. He cried for Reiner, he cried because his heart was broken. 

The waves shimmered like diamonds while Bertholdt stared absentmindedly at the water. The air was balmy and warm; they would be returning to Marley's port in about a day. For so long, all Bertholdt had wanted was to see these waters on his way home. From a mission that was a success; he wasn't concerned with being a hero like Reiner had been. He wanted to go home and be with those he loved for his last few years. God willing, his father was still alive. He had been doing better five years ago. 

He glanced to the left. Annie wasn't there being grumpy about the food Marley was providing them. He glanced to the right; Reiner wasn't there to lean his head into his shoulder. There weren't happy tears about how finally they were going home. Bertholdt bit his lip and felt his shoulders start to tremble. He didn't know if Annie was alive... but he knew Reiner was dead. 

Haunting thoughts crossed his mind. How did they kill Reiner? Was he fed to a titan? Did they know about titan inheritance? Or did they slowly torture him to death? It would certainly be prolonged because they would maim him over and over... Bertholdt brought both hands to his face and choked out a sob. In the past, when he cried, strong arms wrapped around him. Reiner would sway him back and forth, then Reiner would whisper words of comfort assuring him that everything was going to be okay. They'd go home, and they would be happy. 

No arms wrapped around him now. Instead, Bertholdt wrapped his arms around himself and broke down while he thought about the fact that he would never see his Reiner again. 

And even worse, none of Reiner's dreams would ever come true. Not even them getting married. 

  


As soon as it was apparent that Reiner had not returned home, his family had left in tears. It was unbearable for them to face the reality that Reiner was truly gone. There had been a young girl of only eight years that Bertholdt knew was Gabi. Reiner had absolutely adored his baby cousin; at times he'd lamented that he'd missed baby Gabi growing up and she must be a sweet young girl. Reiner had badly wanted to be by her side again. The world really was cruel. She had looked so sad and disappointed that Reiner had not been on the boat that arrived back in Marley. 

She wouldn't remember him. Gabi was too young when Reiner left to have any real, meaningful memories of him. All she had were stories that her family told her. 

Bertholdt swallowed when he approached Reiner's family home. It had been weeks now since he'd returned from Paradis. In that time, Reiner had a grave erected in a special Marleyan cemetery. Warriors didn't have bodies to be buried, since they were eaten by the next in line for their powers. Instead, there were small statues and monuments dedicated to them; now there was a statue of the armored titan and the jaw titan. 

How was he supposed to face Reiner's family? If things had gone as planned, maybe Reiner would still be here. They'd be having a family dinner, and Reiner would be scarfing down the chocolate cake his mother used to make for him. Or maybe, just maybe, cherry pudding cake. Karina hadn't made it much, but it was one of Reiner's favorites. Her baby returning from a harrowing mission would have warranted all of his favorite foods. 

Reiner would have been surrounded by beef stews, with tender meat from outside the internment zone. Fresh fruits would be made into pastries, and Reiner would probably eat so fast he'd hardly even taste it. But his family would laugh and joke about how much he must've missed good food while he was on the island. 

His knocks hung in the air, and his stomach decided that it was time to do a backflip. He heard the sound of footsteps approaching the door, and suddenly the words he'd rehearsed in his head on the way over disappeared. The moment the door opened, Bertholdt looked down and saw Karina's face. Reiner really did take after his mother in a lot of ways. The same blonde hair, the same amber eyes. 

"Bertholdt...?" Karina's voice was soft and quiet. Bertholdt remembered her voice as being loud and irritated. Maybe that was because he and Reiner liked to run around and get into trouble? He'd never forget the time Karina started yelling at him and Reiner because they ate the pie filling she'd made. It was almost jarring to hear her voice hardly above a whisper. Karina walked forward and slowly, tenderly, she leaned into Bertholdt for a hug. Bertholdt put his arms around Karina and sighed. "Bertholdt..." 

"Karina." Bertholdt closed his eyes and held Karina. She seemed so small now, compared to when he was a child and she would look down at him with a disapproving frown. She'd seemed so scary then... maybe she wouldn't have if he and Reiner behaved a little bit more. Karina's shoulders started trembling in his arms, and Bertholdt knew she was starting to cry. A pit formed in his stomach; he wanted to cry with her, but at the same time he wanted to be strong for her. He lost his love; she lost her only child. 

Karina pulled away and shook her head, then looked up at Bertholdt. "Come on in, Bertholdt." Bertholdt nodded and walked into Reiner's old home. It looked mostly the same as when they had been playful children. A red armband was on display next to a framed photo of Reiner as a child. A small memorial to their lost family. There were a couple of other pictures; a family photo of the entire Braun family, with Reiner dressed in an adorable suit. Another picture of all the new Warriors; Reiner's smile was the biggest in the entire group. "I'm glad you decided to stop by, Bertholdt." 

"It's good to see you again, Karina." Bertholdt paused. He didn't know what to say. Should he apologize for being the reason her baby was dead? The details of what happened on the island were strictly confidential. That would only serve to hurt her even more, though... and it certainly wouldn't make him feel any better. 

Why had that thought even crossed his mind? Did he want her to judge him? Was this what that old man felt all those years ago? 

"I was just getting ready to go visit the cemetery. Do you want to come with me?" Now that Bertholdt looked her over, he noticed she had on her red armband and was definitely dressed to go out. He swallowed; Bertholdt hadn't visited the cemetery. That meant facing reality in a way he hadn't wanted to. But Karina had been visiting and mourning her son this entire time. 

"Yes, I can go with you to the cemetery. Here, let me lock up your home for you." The walk with Karina was pleasant enough. They crossed outside of the internment zone, then Karina stopped by a stall to purchase flowers. Bertholdt chewed his lower lip while he looked over the flowers. The Marleyan woman helping running the stall glanced at his armband, then up at his eyes. 

"I see the colossal titan has come to visit my humble stall. Some of my family left to expand in the lands Marley annexed with your help years ago. What can I help you with today?" The lady talked about it like it was a good thing; he was helping her family become prosperous. She didn't see all the people he'd killed so that could happen. 

"I... do you have flowers to remember someone?" The woman cocked her head, then nodded. 

"You mean remember as in they're dead?" Bertholdt inhaled sharply, but Karina said nothing while she mindlessly looked at the flowers. A man who bore a striking resemblance to the woman helping him was with her. "Well, there are a few choices that are popular. Are you remembering a family member? A friend?" Bertholdt felt tense. 

"Someone I loved very much." Maybe it was the look in his eyes, but the woman seemed to understand the meaning behind Bertholdt's words. She offered a sympathetic smile. 

"Well, I have a couple of ideas. Cream tulips are a way to say 'I will love you forever.' A Michaelmas daisy is a way to give a final farewell to someone you cared about. If you want more color, a pink carnation is a way to express gratitude for someone who was important in your life." There were several other options. Bertholdt steeled himself, then got a bouquet of cream-colored tulips and paid the woman. In her arms, Karina had a bouquet of white carnations. 

Bertholdt reached out and let Karina hold his hand while the two of them made their way to the cemetery for Eldian Warriors. It was fairly close to the internment zone; close enough that the families of the warriors didn't have to travel far to get to it. They made their way in while Bertholdt glanced around at some statues of deceased warriors. Obviously they weren't as big as the titans they were sculpted after, but they made for a small memorial family could visit. 

The thought crossed Bertholdt's mind that one day there would be a statue of him here, too. 

Marcel's jaw titan had lots of flowers placed around it. That made sense, because the Galliards had been deeply distressed at the loss of their son. But Reiner's was no different; around the small armored titan were lots of flowers. Reiner had an aunt and two uncles, and a cousin he loved deeply. It made sense that there were flowers. Karina closed her eyes and let a steady stream of tears flow down her cheek while she otherwise stood still. 

"I wish I was a better mother to him. I didn't show him I loved him enough." Bertholdt frowned when he looked at Karina. He didn't understand why she would say something like that. Reiner adored his mother, and every time he'd been around Reiner's family as a child she'd seemed like a regular, loving parent. But she didn't seem to want to elaborate. "I wish I could tell him I love him. Just one more time." 

"I understand, Karina. But he loved you. He used to talk about you making him your pudding cake all the time." Karina laughed sadly and wiped at her eyes while she put her flowers in with the rest. She looked at Bertholdt through teary eyes, then shook her head. 

"Before we took him to the docks on the day you all left, Reiner asked me if I would make my cherry pudding cake for him whenever he got back. It was only supposed to be in about a week. I told him of course. I even bought all of the ingredients in anticipation. But... you know." He never came home. Bertholdt wasn't going to make Karina finish that sentence. Karina leaned into his body, and Bertholdt put an arm around her shoulder to hold her close. 

"He would've loved it." Bertholdt closed his eyes and thought about it. Reiner would surprise everyone by sweeping him up and announcing they were getting married. But after the surprise wore off, his family would celebrate. 

It would've been such a happy occasion. Bertholdt swallowed thickly and looked at the cream tulips he had. He put the flowers on Reiner's memorial. Because he would always love Reiner, no matter what. He felt his shoulders shivering. But then Bertholdt felt his eyes burning, and he realized he'd been holding his breath. It was easy to pretend Reiner was just "somewhere else" up until this point. But staring at his grave, putting the flowers on his memorial, made it all too real. 

"Oh... oh, Bertholdt. It's okay, sweetheart, it's okay..." Karina pulled Bertholdt into a hug when he started crying into her shoulder. Bertholdt felt guilty, because he felt he was the one who needed to be strong for Karina. Her son was gone. "I know it's hard. But we're here for you. Our doors are always open, you know that." 

Bertholdt nodded into her shoulder while his tears soaked into the fabric. 

  


"Thank you for having me over tonight. I'll see you all later, okay?" Gabi was hugging Bertholdt's leg while he walked to the door. It was almost sunset now; he'd been at Reiner's home since that morning. It was Reiner's birthday, after all. He would've turned eighteen. And so it was only appropriate for Bertholdt to spend the day with Reiner's family. 

Had Reiner lived and they got married, they would've been his family too. There was always a seat open at their table for him. 

"Come onnn! I don't want you to go!" Gabi whined, but Karina came up behind her niece and pulled her away. Bertholdt knelt down so he could rub his hand along the top of her head. Gabi gave him a smile, and Bertholdt shook his head. 

"You know you'll see me tomorrow for training, my brownie." Gabi looked at him, but then crossed her arms and looked away. Her pout was cute, he had to admit. 

"But that won't be any fun! It's training!" Bertholdt ruffled her hair when he stood. Gabi groaned and reached up at her hair, trying to get it back to the way it looked before. 

"After training we can go get some snacks. My treat, okay? Stay out of trouble for Auntie Karina tonight, and mind your parents. I'll see you tomorrow, brownie." Gabi blushed at the nickname and gave Bertholdt a smile and a promise to stay out of trouble. A promise she would say she kept come time for morning training. 

Bertholdt sighed and put his hands in his pockets whenever he closed the door behind him. His cigarettes were in one pocket, his matches in the other. He'd picked up the habit from Pieck and Porco, who had in turn picked it up from Zeke. The sun wasn't quite setting, but would be soon. It was summer; the sun wouldn't be down until late. As soon as Bertholdt was home, he retrieved a bouquet of flowers that he had purchased that morning before he went to Reiner's family home. 

Every now and then a passerby would greet him, but Bertholdt had gotten used to it by now. He gave a salute to the soldiers at the gate of the internment zone, then silently walked past them. The path to the cemetery wasn't necessarily familiar, but he hadn't forgotten it. It had been a while since his last visit; the piles of flowers at Marcel and Reiner's monuments were gone. The flowers had wilted, and the families didn't bring new ones frequently due to their lives returning to a new sense of normal. 

The ground next to Reiner's memorial wasn't uncomfortable; he'd gotten used to all manners of discomfort on the island. He leaned back against the statue of the armored titan and idly looked at the flowers he'd gotten this morning. He had to admit, he'd gotten a lot. But... he wasn't spending his salary from the military on anything else. 

Light purple lilacs, because he had lost a great love. Red roses for enduring love. Lily of the valley, as a way to say Reiner made his life more complete. Cream tulips, because he would love Reiner forever. White chrysanthemum as a way to show his relationship with Reiner was especially close. 

"I went to see your family again today, Reiner." Obviously there was no answer. Bertholdt admired the soft pink and purple clouds in the sky, colored by the setting sun. The white flowers he had were all colored by the sunset. "They miss you. We all do. We had your favorite today. Beef stew, and then cherry pudding cake. I ate an extra serving for you. I thought about leaving some here but I decided not to." 

Reiner would probably say something about wasting a dish if he left a plate here. Bertholdt pulled a cream tulip from the bouquet and looked at it. Sometimes, when he had nihilistic episodes in bed at night, Bertholdt would wonder why it all hurt so bad. If he was wrong for letting himself fall in love in the first place. Because he knew the world was cruel and let himself be vulnerable anyways. 

"Loving you wasn't a mistake. I wondered that sometimes, but I always felt guilty. Those times with you by my side... I know you always felt guilty for stranding us on that island. But they were the happiest times of my life. Without you here, home doesn't feel like home. But I do my best to live even though it hurts." 

Physical pain was awful, but his body would heal. The emotional pain just wouldn't go away, no matter how many cigarettes he smoked. Bertholdt lit a match and smoked a cigarette while he carefully put the bouquet on Reiner's memorial. He took in the smoky flavor of his cigarette while his mind wandered. 

"You used to talk about having a gramophone in our home, and we would dance to music like Marleyan families do. I bought one, the horn takes up more space than I thought it would. And the records with the music on them are very expensive, so I don't have many. You know the music here is different than the music on the island. But I think I got some that you'd really like. I got some slow music that I like to imagine us dancing to. Dad likes the slow music a lot." 

As soon as he was done with his cigarette, Bertholdt reached for the bouquet again. He stood up and looked at the statue of the armored titan. It was incredibly detailed; the military had done extensive note-taking and examination of their titans after the inheritance ceremonies, so it made sense they could so accurately recreate how the armored looked. 

Part of him wished that instead of a recreation of the armored, he had a single picture of Reiner as the man he'd become. 

Stars started to twinkle overhead. Bertholdt sighed and stood. He would have to be up bright and early for training. Marley had declared war recently, and soon he would be off to the battlefield again. And in addition to that, the children were training to become the next warriors. Gabi–his little brownie– was trying so hard to follow in Reiner's footsteps. To her, Reiner was nothing short of a hero. 

"I have to go home, Reiner. God, I... I miss you so much. You should be in bed with me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you." Bertholdt pulled a flower out of the bouquet. He'd requested a single Michaelmas daisy. For a final goodbye. A farewell. His lip trembled, then he closed his eyes and gently kissed the flower. He put it alone on Reiner's memorial, then put the flowers down alongside it. "Goodbye, Reiner. I'll see you again one day. I love you." 

Bertholdt again shoved his hands into his pockets while he walked. The soldiers at the gates to the internment zone said nothing at the stoic young man as he walked back to his home. 

The bed was too empty when he laid down. Bertholdt cried by himself and put his hand on the empty spot next to him. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in more of this kind of au, check out my fics Forget-Me-Not, Push-Ups, and Incineration! I plan on updating FMN whenever I have less stuff to work on, but all three of them deal with an au where Bert lived and Reiner died.
> 
> Thanks! See you tomorrow for more RB week <3


End file.
